Premature ejaculation is one of the most common and embarrassing male sex problems. It can have a detrimental effect on a man’s confidence and can wreak havoc on relationships. Nonetheless, it’s also so common as to be omnipresent, and while it does matter, the perspective which couples take on it can often be more damaging than PE itself. That perspective makes it hard for a man to take more control over his body and avoid premature ejaculation. It’s important to correct misconceptions surrounding premature ejaculation first and foremost, since progress is much easier when partners aren’t experiencing relationship tensions tied to PE.
Does Premature Ejaculation Matter?
Premature ejaculation matters insofar as it causes problems—but those problems are usually caused by misunderstandings. Correcting those misunderstandings is the first and biggest step which a couple can take toward avoiding premature ejaculation. PE can ruin the sex lives of two partners, and can even destroy a relationship, but largely because the couple thinks that someone must be to blame. It can be even more frustrating if a couple is trying to get pregnant.
PE sometimes is the result of anxiety or depression. These underlying psychological causes must be treated in order for PE symptoms to resolve successfully. Sometimes PE actually causes these symptoms, however, so simultaneously treating the PE may actually take care of the psychological conflicts. Relationship problems and other stresses may also play a role in premature ejaculation. Rarely is there a physiological basis.
Quick Fixes for PE
Quick fixes are often where men turn first for help with premature ejaculation. There are endless drugs on the market that promise to help men last longer in bed. While for many men they are successful, they also exact a cost in the form of adverse side effects. You may also purchase an anesthetic gel which can be used to dampen sensation. While this can help you last longer, the obvious drawback is that it dampens sensation, unfortunately for your partner as well. An alternative has been developed in the form of a condom which can dampen sensation for you without hindering your partner’s experience. Some men prefer these, but they still cut into your experience and make it less pleasurable. Moreover, all these quick fixes treat the symptoms and not the cause, and they don’t improve your condition over the long term. They also cost money.
Long Term Solutions for PE
Cognitive behavior treatment involves reversing some of the prevailing attitudes men have about sex that are unhelpful in their relationships. For example, one idea which can be reversed is that which says that there is something wrong with a man if he ejaculates quickly. Another idea which can be reversed is that which states that for a man, sex should simply be about intercourse and having an orgasm—or that women expect or desire that. On the contrary, if this comprises the overwhelming majority of your sexual activities, chances are your partner is rather bored, which could lead to delayed orgasm on her part—which you both may perceive as premature ejaculation on your part!
Many women actually prefer a much broader spectrum of sexual activities, and broadening the activities which you do with your partner can lead to more fulfilling sexual experience for both of you. It can also help you last longer since you’ll be spending less time thrusting and putting pressure on the head of your penis. Likewise, while missionary position sex may be the only accepted norm in conservative circles, it’s not really going to help you resolve premature ejaculation. Sex with the woman on top is a great way for a man to last longer.
This means that having a more open view of sexuality and being more willing to experiment and explore your mutual desires is much more likely to result in a healthy sexuality than routine, repression and anxiety. Likewise, a healthy attitude toward masturbation can help you to deal with premature ejaculation since you can train yourself to start and stop and to change the way you think about sex while masturbating. You can then bring those positive changes into your sex life with your partner.
Along with having a more open mind about sexuality, a man may also practice Kegel exercises to strengthen his pelvic floor muscles and gain more control over his ejaculation. Premature ejaculation may seem like an embarrassing problem, but it’s unhealthy to believe that it’s uncommon or that it means something is wrong with you. It’s so pervasive as to be the rule and not the exception—but it’s not a rule you can’t break. So take what you’ve learned and start making changes to your sex life, and you may find a whole new world of possibility opening up before you and an end to premature ejaculation.
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