If you have difficulty controlling your ejaculation, you have a very common condition, so common you could simply call it “being human.” Most men have difficulty delaying their orgasms. For men, ejaculation usually comes much more quickly than a woman achieves orgasm. Because of this, many men and women fail to sync up in the sack, and this regularly leads to some dissatisfaction from one or both partners. If you’re a man struggling to learn how to delay ejaculation, and perhaps even wondering if you have a problem, you’ll be relieved to learn that premature ejaculation is as curable as it is common.
Do You Have Premature Ejaculation?
Do you have premature ejaculation, or do you just think you do? There is a real gray area when it comes to “diagnosing” premature ejaculation. It’s difficult even to call it a diagnosis, because arguably it’s not a condition in the vast majority of cases. While it’s true that some cases of premature ejaculation have a physiological root, the vast majority do not. They may have a genetic root, but PE isn’t something like your height or the color of your eyes; instead, it’s something you can change, not so different from a genetic predisposition to particular foods. You can’t change your height, but you can change your palate. Likewise, you can change how long it takes you to ejaculate—it’s juts something which requires your involvement, time and effort.
In some situations, PE may point toward a psychological problem such as depression or anxiety. In both cases, these root causes need to be addressed, both to assist you with your premature ejaculation and for their own sakes. For most men, however, premature ejaculation is simply a fact of being male. Scientists believe that PE actually came about through evolution and was once advantageous to our distant ancestors (we’re talking about apes here). While it no longer has the same advantages, it’s still written into the male genetic code to ejaculate quickly.
Techniques to Delay Ejaculation
You’ve probably already discovered it’s not easy to just will yourself not to ejaculate—at least at this point. This is because you haven’t learned the techniques which can help you out, however, and you haven’t worked out the muscles which are evolved in ejaculation. Once you’ve gained some knowledge and also started applying it, you should be able to delay ejaculation for longer periods of time.
First, if you have any underlying problems such as those discussed above, treat those issues first or simultaneously. If there are challenges in your relationship, take care of those first. If they came out of dissatisfaction with your sex life related to PE, then share your newfound understanding of premature ejaculation with your partner so that you are both ready to move on and enjoy a more satisfying sex life. It’s very important that neither of you blame yourself for something which simply isn’t your fault.
There are various things you can do during sex to delay ejaculation. The “stop and start” method is one of the most popular. If you can learn to recognize the point at which you are approaching the point of no return, you can stop what you’re doing or have your partner stop what she’s doing for about thirty seconds, and then resume. You can do this repeatedly to delay your ejaculation. You can also use the “squeeze” method. Once you realize you’re about to ejaculate, you and your partner stop what you’re doing, and either you or your partner squeezes the penis where the glans meets the shaft for just a few seconds, which forces blood out of the penis. You can combine this with the stop and start method for the greatest effectiveness. Nor are these all the methods you can employ—just a couple to get you started.
You may want to practice stopping and starting on your own without your partner first. Typically a lot of performance anxiety builds up around issues of premature ejaculation. This performance anxiety can perpetuate the problem. You may also find the techniques distracting until you’ve learned to integrate them with your sexual activities and not kill the mood. If you masturbate, you can practice delaying ejaculation using these techniques without that sense of pressure to perform, and without the awkwardness that can come from losing the mood while you’re actually having sex. Once you start to get used to integrating these techniques into your sex life without them affecting your arousal, then you’ll feel much more confident having sex and delaying ejaculation.
Whether you consider yourself to have premature ejaculation or not, understand that you’re a normal person with completely normal desires, expectations, and hardwiring. If you want to change that hardwiring and become more capable at sex, you’ll probably be surprised how much you can change if you have a positive attitude and an open mind. Improving your level of control will probably take some time and effort, but that’s the case with anything you try to improve at. So be patient and try the techniques above, and see what happens!
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