Being as for many people (men and women alike), an orgasm represents to some degree a surrender of control, the idea of being able to delay your orgasm may seem counterintuitive. And yet, as a man you know how frustrating it can be when you have an orgasm more quickly than you’d like, and much sooner than your partner. It’s a matter of simple biology and evolutionary fact that men tend to reach their climax more quickly than women. While it may be hardwired in your genes to race to the finish line instead of run a sexual marathon, it is possible to delay orgasm and still enjoy a completely satisfying sexual experience.
Techniques for delaying your orgasm can be divided into two categories: things you do while you’re not having sex in order to increase your level of control and improve your sexual stamina, and things you do while you are having sex to delay your orgasm. Right now you’re thinking, “I can just take a pill for this, right?” While that option does exist, it’s neither the safest nor the most affordable technique, and it’s far from the most fulfilling. In many ways it also is directly counter to the attitude you need to improve.
Why Use Natural Methods?
Some men are fine ejaculating quickly, and some women are fine with it too, which is why it’s so important to figure out if you’re sexually compatible with someone in a relationship. If however you want to improve your sexual stamina and you feel you and your partner would be satisfied with lengthier sexual encounters, then you can use natural methods to delay orgasm.
Masturbation is another good approach. There are a couple of ways you can make use of masturbation to delay orgasm. One is as a general exercise to improve your stamina on your own and also shift your perspective on sex. The other is to masturbate about an hour before sex in order to reduce your sense of urgency a bit. A lot of men last longer on the second round, and that follows as well if the first round was by yourself.
During masturbation you can train yourself to recognize the threshold between the plateau that happens during sex and the moment you tip over into your orgasm. If you recognize that tipping point during sex, you can stop what you’re doing for a moment and then squeeze just below the head of your penis. This is a quick way to push some of the blood out of your penis, reducing the likelihood of ejaculating. Little breaks like this scattered throughout your sexual encounters can make them last a lot longer. That’s something else you can practice by yourself when you masturbate.
Just as you can masturbate about an hour before you have sex to make it more likely you’ll last longer on “round two” with your partner, you can also try a real round two if you do come early. Try shifting your attention to your partner’s wants and needs and away from yourself for a bit. You might find by the time she’s ready to come, you’re ready again yourself. You can also try to delay orgasm by choosing different techniques and positions during sex. Try pressing more instead of thrusting, and also try letting her on top. Many men can go longer this way because there is less pressure on the head of the penis.
A lot of advice columns recommend that you distract yourself while you’re having sex by thinking about things which are off topic and irrelevant, or even downright unsexy. While this does work for many men, it also has a way of killing the mood. One reason many of us enjoy sex is that it makes us feel very present in the moment. Drifting off elsewhere doesn’t really do that and may even kill your sexual appetite altogether.
If you don’t want to do this, you can still find other ways to distract yourself. Women don’t come as quickly because they aren’t hardwired to, but also because many of them don’t look at sex as a race to a finish line, a means to an end. The orgasm is the natural result of the experience, rather than a goal. As such they spend a lot more time exploring other sensations and elements of arousal and stimulation, and are less fixated on having an orgasm. By taking a few cues from the ladies and likewise changing your perspective, you can distract yourself with sex instead of away from it—and last longer in bed.
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