How To Finger Her

Fingering is an activity that goes over well with a lot of women.  In fact, it’s probably one of the most popular sexual activities out there.  While many women enjoy intercourse, some find it painful or uncomfortable, so it’s not every woman’s favorite thing to do.  Fingering also of course involves no pregnancy risk, so it’s a great activity if safe sex is a priority for you.  And while oral sex is something which many women enjoy, some complain that it’s too imprecise to stimulate them properly and others find it unclean.  Fingering doesn’t pose these problems.  If you enjoy handjobs, it should be easy to see how your partner could enjoy the female equivalent.  That doesn’t mean that you’ll be precise about it the first time you try, though, and even if you’ve successfully delivered with one woman, another might pose an entirely new challenge.

how to finger herGetting Started

Before you finger your partner, make sure to observe proper hygiene.  In this case, your hands not only need to be clean, but make sure your nails are trimmed.  This is habit for most men (and yes, this is probably the reason, whether most men think about it or not!), so you’re probably good to go there.  Do you need lubricant?  Maybe, maybe not.  It’s good to have on hand, though if your partner is turned on enough to get wet, you probably won’t need any (as long as you make use of the natural lubricant her body makes).

Also on this note, foreplay is a good idea to get things going.  For some partners, fingering is a form of foreplay leading up to intercourse.  For other partners, however, fingering counts as sex and not as foreplay—so you may want to do some additional foreplay before you get going in order to get into the right mood and level of arousal.  There are many different ideas for foreplay, so check out our articles on the topic to get some suggestions if you don’t know where to begin.


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You’ll find thousands of articles on the “best way” to finger a woman, but the truth is that there is no one single technique which is superior to all others.  Women’s bodies vary a great deal, just as men’s do.  What one woman finds enjoyable another woman may not and vice versa.  Many articles suggest that you focus on the clitoris.  This is a good starting point since this is the principle focus of sensation for most women.  Even this is a general rule with many exceptions, however.  While most women don’t have “vaginal orgasms” (orgasms from vaginal stimulation alone), there are some who can’t have clitoral orgasms.  So it’s best not to make any assumptions if you don’t know much about how your partner’s body works yet.

A common suggestion is to rub the clitoris using circular motions.  You can also try rubbing up and down or side to side or any number of other movements.  You might rub slowly or vigorously, hard or soft—it’s all dependent on what your partner enjoys.  You don’t have to focus on the clitoris to the extent that you ignore other areas either.  The labia is very sensitive for many women, and you can also penetrate the vagina with your fingers.  The fingers are great for G-Spot stimulation (in women where you can find a G-Spot) since fingers can be precise.  Some women also have sensitive inner thighs, so that’s another area you might want to stimulate while you’re fingering.

Remember that you can also involve your mouth; sometimes people forget that you don’t need to perform with your hands to the exclusion of your mouth or the other way around—you can use your mouth while also exploring with your hands.  Another thing you can do is make out with your partner while stimulating her with your hands; kissing your partner or using one hand to explore the rest of her body while you finger her is a great way of making the experience more intense.  She also can return the favor and give you a handjob at the same time.  Again, all of this comes down to personal preference and what you both enjoy.

Asking for Suggestions

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There is a funny attitude about sex in our society where both men and women believe they are supposed to automatically know what they’re doing.  But let’s be honest: it’s not like most of us take classes in this stuff, and there’s no class which could teach you how to get every woman off.  Sex is just way too individualized for that.  There is no way for you to automatically know what you’re doing with any one woman, even if you’ve had dozens of sexual partners.  In fact, the more partners you’ve had, the more you’ve probably realized about how different each one can be.  It’s always a learning experience if you’re doing something for the first time (or the second, or the third).

That’s why you should not feel ashamed to ask for suggestions, even if you find it awkward at first; you’ll get used to it.  Ask for feedback while you’re performing.  Sometimes feedback is indirect and automatic when you feel and hear your partner respond—but sometimes feedback needs to be verbal and specific (i.e., “not there … there,” and so on).  You’ll need less of these verbal cues as time goes by.  And again, there is no reason you shouldn’t need them in the beginning.  So don’t worry about doing it “wrong,” just focus on learning what works.

One of the best ways you can learn is by asking your partner to masturbate in front of you.  Some partners are too self-conscious to do this, but for those who are comfortable with it, it’s a perfect way to learn.  There’s no one who knows your partner’s body better than she does, so watch what she does to get herself off and you’ll have a great idea of how to do it.

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