If you’ve just looked up how to kiss a girl, you’re here for one of two reasons. Either you’ve never kissed a girl before (or you have and it didn’t go well), and you’re not sure how to initiate a kiss, or you’ve got that part down and just want to do a better job at it. Kissing is a pretty basic human gesture, but that doesn’t mean it’s the easiest one to get right. Nor is there one right way to do it. This is yet another area of human attraction where everybody’s different. Kissing is among the most personal gestures you can make, and for some partners, kissing is as intimate, if not more intimate, than sex. You can read a lot about a person and his or her emotions from a kiss. And the fact is that no matter how many kissing techniques you learn, nothing can substitute for genuine feeling—and women will see right through you if you aren’t really interested.
Initiating a Kiss
Let’s say it’s your first kiss—maybe not in your whole life, but with someone you’re into. There are a lot of ways you can blow the initiation of a kiss. If you do that part wrong, it won’t even matter if you’re good at kissing, because you’ll already have put off the lady you’re interested in (and by the way, if you’re a woman reading this, a lot of this advice applies to you as well). One of the worst things you can do is jump on someone when she’s not expecting it or looking for it. If you’re interested in kissing someone else, try to give her the chance to initiate the kiss. You can do this by leaning in closely, maybe saying something about how great she looks or what a wonderful time you’ve had on your date, or so on. While surprise kisses work in movies, in real life they usually don’t. You need to communicate with body language what you’re interested in, and look for cues in your companion. If you overstep your bounds, she’ll think you don’t respect her boundaries.
The other mistake you can make is to be too timid. Once the kissing ensues, you don’t necessarily need or want to dive in with all you’ve got (since you’re still probing the waters, so to speak), but you should show some passion and make it obvious you’re interested. Don’t make her feel like she’s kissing a fish, or you’ll communicate disinterest. Even a kiss which shows restraint can still show passion—so look for this balance. Some people suggest always starting with a closed mouth. This may be safer, but it may also again communicate disinterest or seem dispassionate—there’s a difference between starting tentatively and keeping everything behind a bolted door even after it’s obvious the lady you’re kissing is interested. Use your intuition, consider the mood, the situation, and what brought you together.
Regardless of whether you’ve kissed someone a thousand times or you’ve never kissed her in your life, you should consider hygiene before you go in for your next snog. Is your mouth clean? Does your breath smell bad? When’s the last time you brushed your teeth? If you just had a plate of alfredo at your date at an Italian restaurant, you might want to pop out to the restroom for a minute to freshen up before you kiss your partner. How is your facial hair? Do you have stubble which is at just such a length as to be abrasive and annoying?
Kissing is an activity that communicates your desire for your partner and vice versa. Indeed, one of the reasons that so many people not only enjoy kissing but use it to measure up potential partners is because it’s difficult to hide inside a kiss. So while there are different techniques for kissing, the most important thing to keep in mind is that you can’t plan everything; if you do, your partner will know, and will probably be deterred by this. When you kiss someone, you need to be able to read your partner’s body language and respond to it. In fact, if you can’t connect to your partner while kissing, it doesn’t even mean you’re doing something wrong—it may just mean that your energies aren’t compatible or something else is interfering with intimacy. So when you connect with someone and it does work, that’s a pretty good indication that there’s some real chemistry at work.
Our mouths are very versatile and flexible and there’s a lot we can do with them. So kissing can involve all kinds of variations, which is one of the reasons that kissing is often referred to as a kind of dance between lips, tongues, even teeth. It’s a great way to explore your partner’s body and psyche and to get to know what she enjoys. If two people are really into each other, this usually comes pretty naturally. If you’re having to struggle to figure out what to do next, it’s possible there isn’t a lot of chemistry present. In many ways, good kissing is as simple as being enthusiastic, receptive, and involved.
On that note, using kissing as a prelude to sex and not an activity in its own right to be enjoyed is a sure way to drive away a partner, who will quickly figure out you’re not really into the kissing. Which isn’t to say kissing can’t lead to great sex—really great kissing often involves your whole body and mind and not just your mouth. Sometimes kissing can be every bit as pleasurable as sexual intercourse (plenty of people can get orgasms just from passionate, intense kissing and bodily contact). It’s also great for foreplay if you have timing issues, but again, shouldn’t be seen as a means to an end. Great kissing happens when both partners are really into and enjoy the act of kissing for its own sake.