How to kiss a woman is really a topic with a couple of different facets. First, there’s the question of how to initiate a kiss with a woman you’ve never kissed before. This can be a challenging issue to negotiate since it’s easy to overstep your bounds, and equally easy to do the opposite and come across as disinterested. Then there’s the question of how to kiss a woman well, and not bore or irritate her or yourself. Kissing may be one of the most basic human gestures, but that doesn’t make it the most intuitive to a lot of people. Most of us can remember more than a few bad kisses. Ask yourself why those kisses were bad, and that should start to shed some light on how to do a better job of it yourself.
Why is Kissing So Easy to Mess Up?
First, let’s consider why it’s easing to mess up a kiss. The main reason actually has more to do with feeling than technique, though if you’re nervous, even if the feeling is there, you might give the wrong message if you aren’t confident in yourself. The reason that it’s so easy to mess up a kiss is that kissing is very intimate. There is so much you can do to express yourself with your mouth that it’s easy to see right through a person when he or she isn’t fully invested in a kiss. Think about bad kisses you may have had in the past. You can probably cite a lot of technique problems that annoyed you—maybe your kissing partner was too insistent, or maybe she expected you to do all the work, or maybe she wouldn’t open her mouth, or so on—but the worst kisses were the ones where you knew immediately and without any doubt that your partner wasn’t really into you, right?
Here’s the good news: If you are really into someone, you’re not likely to mess up your kiss, as long as you keep some basics in mind and balance out your performance to a reasonable extent. That isn’t to say your partner won’t mess up the kiss for you, but that’s one of the reasons that many people kiss early on in relationships—it’s a great way to gauge the interest of a potential partner. If you do a great job and she’s the one who doesn’t, maybe she’s not really into you. Count yourself lucky if you figure that out early on.
One of the easiest things you can do to be a good kisser is to make sure that you’re being considerate of your partner with proper hygiene. Brush your teeth and use mouthwash if you need to, especially if you’ve just eaten. There’s nothing wrong with coming up with an excuse to use the use the restroom for a few minutes before you are going to initiate a kiss. Another issue is facial hair. Stubble at a particular length can be extremely abrasive. So make sure that your facial hair is either at a suitable length or that you’re clean shaven before you initiate a first kiss.
The first kiss is difficult to figure out for a lot of people because it’s hard to figure out whether you’ve reached the point where it’s appropriate or not. Since it’s something which takes place relatively early in many romantic relationships, it’s often a bridge that’s crossed before you know much about the woman you’re with; the kiss itself tells you a lot about her. At the same time, that poses difficulty since you don’t know much about her or her preferences, or even necessarily what she’s looking for in the relationship or if she’s on the same page you are.
Some people take the easy solution and simply ask if it’s okay to kiss; for most people, however, this feels a bit unnatural, so many couples try to negotiate the first kiss nonverbally, or at least indirectly. Nonverbally, a cue that you have kissing on your mind is to lean in closely while talking to your partner (or not). Verbally, you might compliment your partner on her appearance or say you’ve had a great time, both of which indicate further interest, and that for you, the date has been going well. This is more difficult if you’re not actually on a date, but we’re guessing if you’ve gotten to this point while not on a date, odds are things are proceeding relatively naturally. If you’re not sure whether they are or not, you may want to wait for a more natural opportunity to present itself, or at least communicate your intentions.
The last thing you want to do is jump on a woman without her expecting that you’re going to kiss her. You might think that seizing the initiative is great, but odds are she’ll just see it as an intrusion on her space. Since kissing is a very intimate gesture, doing it without at least some kind of implicit permission is generally a bad move. On the other hand, you also don’t want to act like you’re timid or totally under confident. This is an issue once the kissing begins—but you need to have it in mind right from the offset. It doesn’t take long to turn a woman off with a kiss. It can literally take seconds.
How should you handle your first kiss? The common advice is to keep your mouth closed, but try to still show some kind of passion or tension through your kiss so that she doesn’t just think you’re frigid or uninterested. Keeping your mouth closed isn’t a hard rule, and in some cases might even be a bad idea, but it’s a good guideline if you’re not sure which way to go.
The two most important things you should remember while kissing a woman are to be honest and to read your partner’s body language. Kissing is a very communicative activity; take cues from your partner, and if you’re really into your partner, then show it in your kiss, and you’ll probably do great.