If you suffer from premature ejaculation, the first thing which you need to realize is that you’re not alone—and there may be nothing physiologically wrong with you. According to a study by the National Health and Social Life survey, around a full third of men in the US have stated that they feel they come too quickly during sex. PE is best defined as a condition in which a man ejaculates sooner than he or his partner would prefer. Some researchers have attempted to delineate a particular time period which is considered “premature,”—commonly within two minutes of penetration. Being as Alfred Kinsey’s famous studies in the 1940s demonstrated that more than three quarters of men ejaculate within two minutes of penetration in over 50 percent of their sexual encounters, however, this would seem to simply define normal sexual function for the vast majority of men.
How do you overcome premature ejaculation? First, realize that you’re normal. Women sometimes become frustrated with their partners for coming sooner than they do, or for preferring shorter sexual encounters than they do. This is just a standard difference in male and female physiology and psychology (with possible evolutionary roots), and it shouldn’t be a cause for blame. Likewise, you shouldn’t be blaming yourself, or holding yourself up to unrealistic expectations. Aside from simply being a normal human being, there are plenty of other psychological factors which could be playing a role in your situation. Stress, depression, performance anxiety, sexual repression, and underconfidence can all lead to premature ejaculation, as can a lack of resolution in interpersonal issues.
Dealing with Stress
In some cases, therapy may be helpful in resolving PE—particularly when there are unresolved issues in the relationship which you don’t feel like you can deal with on your own. Sometimes it takes someone who isn’t directly invested in a situation to make sense of it and help each person to resolve his or her feelings and move on.
Since premature ejaculation usually is a psychological problem and not a physiological one, it can easily become self perpetuating as a man loses confidence in himself. Once you’ve experienced premature ejaculation a number of times, you can start to feel doubt in your sexual prowess and feel like you have no control. This loss of a sense of control can lead to actual loss of control—the more you feel like you can’t do anything about your circumstances, the more difficult they’ll be.
Once you lose that confidence you may find yourself wishing there were some kind of a quick fix which you can use to fix your problem. There are many different pills marketed to men with various types of erectile dysfunction, including premature ejaculation. These pills may help in many cases, but they also may have side effects. There are also anesthetic ointments that can be applied to the penis, but the result here is of course a loss of sensation, which can not only affect you but also your partner. The biggest drawback to either of these methods however is that they do nothing to directly help you to rebuild confidence in yourself. In order to build confidence, you can try to fix your problem yourself using natural techniques.
Techniques to Try
While masturbating, work on finding ways to redirect your focus to other aspects of the sexual experience. While you’re having sex, focus on other aspects as well, and don’t think of the only goal of sex as orgasm. Find ways to appreciate the experience as a whole. Consider trying out different sexual positions and techniques. The more creative you get, the less likely you are to focus only on having an orgasm, and the more likely you are to last longer.
You can also try out other techniques on your own to gain more control over your pelvic muscles, such as Kegel exercises. These exercises will allow you to last longer and also to have more intense erections and orgasms, resulting in a more pleasurable experience. You can do Kegel exercises while you’re doing other activities, which makes them easy to integrate into your daily life.
What’s most important about learning how to resolve your problem yourself is that you build confidence in yourself by doing so. Oftentimes by overcoming the stress, depression, anxiety or under confidence which is hindering you during sex, you’re able to overcome your premature ejaculation not just now, but for the long term. Premature ejaculation is such a common problem among men that it’s practically ubiquitous. If you aren’t satisfied with your sexual performance, you’re not alone. Improving is a matter of working at it and building confidence in yourself.
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