Working Out Relationship Issues Affecting Your Sex Life

If you’ve been having problems with sex, they may or may not have obvious causes, but oftentimes the culprit is relationship problems.  Relationship issues may involve sex or they may involve something else: communication, money, household chores, trust, or something different altogether.  Even issues which aren’t directly related to sex can put a damper on your sex life and can lead to premature ejaculation, impotence, or other problems.  How can you improve your sex life by tackling relationship problems?

couple relationship issues affecting sex life

Problems Not Directly Relating to Sex

You may not think about your life outside of sex while you’re having problems in the bedroom, but oftentimes what’s responsible for your sexual dysfunctions has nothing to do with sex.  For example, if you’ve been having trust issues with your partner regarding some other issue, you may feel like some of your intimacy has been lost.  Many people can’t entertain the idea of sex with a partner they don’t trust, especially if it feels like trust has been lost or broken.  If you’re having these kinds of issues, it’s important to work them out and strive toward common ground once again.

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Communication problems can also cause problems in the bedroom, whether or not you’re miscommunicating specifically about sex.  If you have a hard time talking to your partner, you need to work out ways that you can both get your feelings across.  One great way of resolving communication issues is to simply set aside time to be together on a regular basis, and to remove distractions from your lives.  Another plan is to come up with some simple communication rules.  If each of you has pet peeves about behavior which you feel interfere with communication, make a rule not to say or do things which interfere.  If you can open the lines of communication again, you can work on resolving problems involving sex, money, chores, values, life plans, or other issues.

Many men and women are surprised to find that once they start working on clearing up problems in other areas of their shared lives, it can be a lot easier to get in the mood in the bedroom.  Sometimes that’s all it takes to resolve a sexual issue like premature ejaculation.

Problems Relating to Sex

Sometimes the people we end up in relationships with aren’t the people who are most sexually compatible with us.  It’s pretty common for this to happen, and while sex may not be the most important factor in how you form a relationship with someone which is going to last over the long term, sexual incompatibility can certainly take a toll on the enjoyment you get out of your relationship and the intimacy which you feel with your partner.  If sexual incompatibility is causing performance issues like impotence or premature ejaculation, it can become a focal point for stress in a relationship, and misunderstandings can ensue.

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How can you resolve issues like these?  Firstly, don’t give up on sex with your partner just because you don’t have the most intuitive sexual relationship together.  Sex shouldn’t be a source of stress, but neither does that mean that it shouldn’t be something you put effort into.  Part of letting go of your sexual stress is letting go of the idea that sex should be something that is effortless and should work automatically.  Putting time and thought into your sex life and exploring your sexuality with your partner can be a source of enjoyment and intimacy.  Set aside time to do sexual activities and to learn to become physically comfortable with each other.  And don’t set lofty expectations.  Just plan to have a good time together and enjoy each others’ bodies and company.  If you’re having fun, that’s what counts the most.

Another good idea is to make a list of things that turn you on and have your partner do the same, and then exchange lists.  You can even find lists online to print out which include checkboxes, which saves you the trouble of coming up with the lists yourselves, and also may reduce some of the pressure you feel.  The other reason lists are a good idea is that many people are very self-conscious of their sexual preferences and have learned shame for those preferences.  Checking checkboxes on a list and handing it to your partner may feel less daunting than openly discussing your preferences at first.  You may be surprised at the boxes your partner checks, and may find you have more in common sexually than you realized.  You may also realize that you are relatively open to things on your partner’s list which weren’t on your own and vice versa.  Another approach is also to check boxes next to things you would never consider doing.  If you check a box and your partner doesn’t check the same box, that means your partner is willing to consider what you want to do.

Oftentimes people are surprised to discover their sexual personalities aren’t what they believed.  While modern society is a lot more open about sexuality in some ways than historical society, in many ways it is still very repressed.  We are taught that we should be sexual people, but we’re socially conditioned into believing that sexual preferences should be pretty narrow and one-dimensional.  Couples who are willing to explore their sexuality together often discover that their personalities are more complex than they believed before giving new things a try.

If you cannot resolve your sexual problems or your relationship issues in general with your partner on your own, you may want to try out couples’ therapy.  A therapist gives you and your partner someone to talk to about your relationship problems who is not invested personally in your situation.  Sometimes this is helpful in that it can provide you with a new perspective and new approaches to resolving problems.  Even just the decision to work on resolving your relationship problems provides you with a positive start in the right direction and can be the foundation for rebuilding trust and enjoying a more satisfying sex life.

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