If you aren’t lasting as long in bed as you’d like, you may wonder whether you could be a sufferer of premature ejaculation. This is a very uncomfortable topic by nature, which is why a lot of men are misinformed about what premature ejaculation is and isn’t. A lack of information causes undue anxiety, which can only make the problem you’re having worse. If you’re ready to find out whether you have PE or not, then read on. The answer may surprise you.
The truth is that whether or not you have premature ejaculation actually depends on how you choose to define satisfaction with your sex life—not on a clinical definition. Premature ejaculation has been defined in different ways throughout the years, and doesn’t actually have an objective definition. One common definition of premature ejaculation is ejaculation within two minutes of penetration. This definition is rejected by many modern physicians and therapists however for the simple reason that this definition actually covers the vast majority of men.
According to a famous survey by Alfred Kinsey in the 1940s, about three quarters of men ejaculate within two minutes of penetration in more than half of all their sexual encounters. While Kinsey’s methodology was sometimes questionable, it’s pretty much a given that most men ejaculate very quickly. Scientists have provided an evolutionary hypothesis as to why this might be. Men who could get partners pregnant quickly probably stood a better chance of passing on their genes in the past than those who couldn’t, which means that natural selection would favor “premature” ejaculation. This may have started way before we were even human—our ape ancestors probably were no different.
That’s why the modern definition of premature ejaculation that is most widely accepted is simply this: If you ejaculate sooner than you or your partner would like, you can say you have premature ejaculation. This refers to your subjective perception of your sexuality and not to an objective definition. And since there is usually no underlying physiological reason for premature ejaculation (unless you count genetics), usually it is mostly or entirely psychological. Even the genetic aspect of premature ejaculation is partly psychological in nature since it can usually be overcome.
If you want to last longer in bed, you should only define yourself as having premature ejaculation if that helps you to understand, accept, and change your situation. Unfortunately there are so many misconceptions about PE and sexual performance that saying you have premature ejaculation or believing you have premature ejaculation is seen as a mark of shame or inadequacy by many men. These feelings of shame and inadequacy can lead to performance anxiety and depression, which in turn can make premature ejaculation worse. If you feel anxious, depressed, or inadequate about ejaculating early, the first thing you should do is drop those misconceptions. Premature ejaculation is not a rare problem. It’s so common that most men actually have it, and there’s no shame in your genetic heritage. Odds are nothing is physiologically wrong with you, and therefore you have the chance to change it if you want.
There are simple exercises which can help you to gain control over your ejaculation time, and which can even increase the power of your ejaculation and the pleasure you receive from orgasms. These exercises are called Kegel exercises, and they are regularly recommended by doctors to patients with premature ejaculation. All you need to do is several sets a day and you should start to see some improvement within just a few weeks. You can do the exercise anytime, anywhere without anyone noticing too, so it’s easy to start working them into your routine.
A lot of the biggest changes will come about through your mindset. Once you’ve realized that your premature ejaculation isn’t unusual or a mark of shame, you can stop feeling so anxious or depressed about your performance. If your partner doesn’t understand premature ejaculation, you can share what you’ve learned; this should help both of you to overcome any unrealistic expectations you have about sexual performance. Most men don’t last long in bed without working at it and that’s a simple fact—nothing to feel ashamed of.
That doesn’t mean that premature ejaculation is a permanent part of who you are, either; most men who do work at lasting longer in bed find out that they can, which means odds are you’ll be able to improve by doing Kegel exercises and by overcoming your performance anxiety. You’ll find plenty of other tips on our website which will help you to overcome PE and get more out of your sex life as well. Most of these tips are very easy to learn and apply, and none of them require you to spend money or take pills for PE. Natural techniques can make a world of difference and can really help you to see yourself in a more positive light.
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