Premature ejaculation is a scary term for a lot of people. It summons up thoughts and feelings of impotence, uselessness, inadequacy, and failure. It might make you feel like “less of a man.” You might associate PE with health defects as well, because you are so used to seeing advertisements online for premature ejaculation pills. You may even start avoiding sex altogether if you think you have premature ejaculation, because you don’t want to deal with the embarrassment and shame of not being able to perform.
That’s what premature ejaculation looks like on first glance. And it looks that way because there is so much misinformation out there so readily available. Pharmaceutical companies want you to get desperate so you’ll buy their pills. So they make you feel as worthless as they can, and try to convince you that your problem is medical. If you do a little extra research, though, you’ll find a very different portrait of premature ejaculation emerging. What does premature ejaculation actually look like? You’re bound to be surprised. Here are the facts.
Premature Ejaculation is Common
Premature Ejaculation is Rarely Medical
Another myth the pharmaceutical companies try to sell you on is the notion that PE is a medical problem. You may wonder if something is “wrong” with you and if everything down there works the way it should. Many men wonder if they have structural abnormalities, or if they might need medications to fix their problem, or even drastic measures like surgery (which are very unsafe).
Real premature ejaculation is almost never a medical problem. There are some underlying medical conditions that can cause PE. These might include abnormal levels of hormones or neurotransmitters, abnormal reflex activity, thyroid issues, inflammation or infection of your urethra or prostate, nervous system damage, or medication withdrawal. The last two listed are very uncommon. The others are more common, but as you can extrapolate, they don’t account for a majority of premature ejaculation causes. Most premature ejaculation cases have no medical root, and are psychological and/or genetic in nature. Should you get checked out for a medical cause? It can be a good idea to stay on the safe side, especially if you have other physiological concerns. But for most men, PE will have no medical root.
Premature Ejaculation May Have Psychological Causes
Premature ejaculation may have a number of psychological causes, and these are usually responsible in some combination for your symptoms. Ask yourself whether you might have any of the following problems contributing to your own premature ejaculation:
- Past sexual encounters where you rushed to reach your climax so that you would not be discovered having illicit relations. This is really common among young men who still live at home. When you’re a teenager, you may have rushed sex—a learned behavior that can stick with you long after you move out on your own.
- Feelings of guilt tied to sex, or shame which you connect to your body, especially to your genitals. A lot of people learn to feel ashamed of sex because society teaches that sex is shameful (while at the same promoting it; the mixed message doesn’t help—the shame gives you PE, and then the rampant sexual images in our culture make it worse by shaming you for your PE!).
- A lack of fulfillment related to dishonesty with yourself about your sexual orientation or preferences. If you are trying to enjoy sex that lives up to someone else’s standards of norms and not your own desires, you will repress yourself and probably not have a good time.
- Impotence. If you have difficulty maintaining an erection, you also may have premature ejaculation, since you may rush to finish so that you don’t feel pressured to maintain your erection.
- Anxiety, especially performance anxiety. If you have a lot of stress and anxiety in your life, whether or not it’s about sex, you may have PE. If your anxiety surrounds performing during sex, it will typically be even worse.
- Depression or physical problems. These can kill the mood effortlessly, even if they are not directly related to sex.
- Relationship problems. If your relationship lacks intimacy and openness, you may find it hampers your sex life and your ability to perform.
- A tendency to view sex as a means to an end. If you rush for the finish line, be assured, you’ll get there faster than you’d like.
Premature Ejaculation Can Be Cured Without Medication
The last thing you should tell yourself is that you have no hope. Premature ejaculation can be cured, and most men who make efforts toward improvement are able to last longer without any medical intervention. If you recognize any of those psychological problems listed above as factors which may be contributing to your PE, then you have a starting point for how to tackle the problem. By improving your psychological health and your perspectives on sex, you can make strides toward lasting longer.
You can also do exercises for your pelvic floor muscles (Kegel exercises) to strengthen and tone the muscles used for ejaculation. This can help you last longer too. Therapy and meditation may help. You also might do better if you try new sexual positions or activities. There are so many approaches which are safe and natural. And the best news is, they are generally very effective!
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